Well - I can't take it anymore. I've been thinking about how to write about the negativity. I've got a lot of thoughts on the subject, but for some reason, I can't seem to get out of my mouth what's inside my brain. Let's start and see where we wind up, shall we?
I'm SICK, absolutely SICK of some people. (I'm not naming names, so don't ask, but I know about 2 people who can figure it out.) Anyway - I don't get it. Now, let's back up for a second and let me say that I LOVE these people. Really, I do. (that's what makes this particularly upsetting). And really, I'm not sick of the people, I'm sick of their attitude. hah! I think there's something that happens along your weight loss journey and you start to leave more than just the weight behind. Sometimes I think shedding the weight was easier than letting go of some of this stuff.
Here's what I don't get - why are people so negative? I mean - what is is about constant complaining that makes one happy? How can you never truly see the good in things? How come all you do is gripe and complain about what you CAN'T do instead of doing (and talk about doing) the things that you CAN do?! I dunno how, why, or when it came up, but one fine day I was at Body Boutique (you can stop laughing - I know I practically live there. I'm considering setting up a sleeping bag on the back stairs any day now). Anyway, I was at BB - I was frustrated and Sherri was an easy target. ;-) Thanks again Sherri! The topic at hand was other people's response to my recently found success with weight loss and my new found (this was a while ago) "addiction" to the gym. We talked a bit about negativity - and Sherri mentioned that she'd heard a lady talk once about how to truly change yourself, you have to push that out of your life.
I am amazingly thankful that this conversation came up, and that Sherri was willing to talk about it because this was the moment that I course corrected and completely understood. I wish it wasn't this way - but the truth is, there's a thing that happens when you start to get happy with yourself, and you start to like yourself, and you start to feel good. I'm not sure what it is - my theory is that it happens with people who aren't truly happy themselves. This has been a real struggle for me and it probably always will be. I guess, at the time, I didn't really realize how much trying to help others and dealing with all the negative was dragging me down.
The amazing part? When I let go, and I mean truly and honestly let go, that's when I found my own success.
Since that time, I've come to realize that letting go of that doesn't mean I don't care. It doesn't mean I'm not right here - and always willing to help a friend. It just means that I'm not dealing with the negative. I'm not going to sit and pity party with you. I'm not going to drag you. What is it Jillian says? "I can't save you, you have to save yourself."
TRUTH. major truth.
I know people always say "you can lead a horse to water." I wish I could describe my desire to help others on this journey. I wish I could tell you how much fun I have training with Amber every week - how much I love it when she tells me "maybe you can't" just to get me to do it. ;-) I wish I could describe how fun it is for me when I can make her laugh out loud during Jam! Or how much FUN group fitness really is. Or, the stares that I get from people when I'm doing some outrageous looking something on the weight floor. I wish I could tell you how GOOD I feel each and every day. How much I love myself. How happy I am with my body (even if it's got 15 or 20 more lbs to drop). How giddy it makes me when one of my massage therapists says "what does she DO to you?!" I wish I could explain my desire to pass this on - to pay it forward.
But - I'm going to have to do that on my own. I'm going to have to feel the fear and do that, so that I can share this feeling with more women. But you're going to have to bite your own bullet, feel your own fear, and get rid of all the negative before you can understand all the other.
The best part? That doesn't make me sad anymore. It makes me happy that I was able to figure it out. And it makes me hopeful that I can pay that forward to as many people as I can for the rest of my life.
Sherri, Amber - you rock. Far more than you know. (p.s. I still think you're tough acts to follow! ;-)
"When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say I used everything you gave me." - Erma Brombeck