We can't help everyone, but everyone can help someone.

Well - I can't take it anymore.  I've been thinking about how to write about the negativity.  I've got a lot of thoughts on the subject, but for some reason, I can't seem to get out of my mouth what's inside my brain.  Let's start and see where we wind up, shall we?

I'm SICK, absolutely SICK of some people.  (I'm not naming names, so don't ask, but I know about 2 people who can figure it out.)  Anyway - I don't get it.  Now, let's back up for a second and let me say that I LOVE these people.  Really, I do.  (that's what makes this particularly upsetting).  And really, I'm not sick of the people, I'm sick of their attitude.  hah!  I think there's something that happens along your weight loss journey and you start to leave more than just the weight behind.  Sometimes I think shedding the weight was easier than letting go of some of this stuff.

Here's what I don't get - why are people so negative?  I mean - what is is about constant complaining that makes one happy?  How can you never truly see the good in things?  How come all you do is gripe and complain about what you CAN'T do instead of doing (and talk about doing) the things that you CAN do?!  I dunno how, why, or when it came up, but one fine day I was at Body Boutique (you can stop laughing - I know I practically live there.  I'm considering setting up a sleeping bag on the back stairs any day now).  Anyway, I was at BB - I was frustrated and Sherri was an easy target.  ;-) Thanks again Sherri!  The topic at hand was other people's response to my recently found success with weight loss and my new found (this was a while ago) "addiction" to the gym.  We talked a bit about negativity - and Sherri mentioned that she'd heard a lady talk once about how to truly change yourself, you have to push that out of your life.  

I am amazingly thankful that this conversation came up, and that Sherri was willing to talk about it because this was the moment that I course corrected and completely understood.  I wish it wasn't this way - but the truth is, there's a thing that happens when you start to get happy with yourself, and you start to like yourself, and you start to feel good.  I'm not sure what it is - my theory is that it happens with people who aren't truly happy themselves.  This has been a real struggle for me and it probably always will be.  I guess, at the time, I didn't really realize how much trying to help others and dealing with all the negative was dragging me down.  

The amazing part?  When I let go, and I mean truly and honestly let go, that's when I found my own success.  

Since that time, I've come to realize that letting go of that doesn't mean I don't care.  It doesn't mean I'm not right here - and always willing to help a friend.  It just means that I'm not dealing with the negative.  I'm not going to sit and pity party with you.  I'm not going to drag you.  What is it Jillian says?  "I can't save you, you have to save yourself."

TRUTH.  major truth.

I know people always say "you can lead a horse to water."  I wish I could describe my desire to help others on this journey.  I wish I could tell you how much fun I have training with Amber every week - how much I love it when she tells me "maybe you can't" just to get me to do it.  ;-)   I wish I could describe how fun it is for me when I can make her laugh out loud during Jam!  Or how much FUN group fitness really is.  Or, the stares that I get from people when I'm doing some outrageous looking something on the weight floor.  I wish I could tell you how GOOD I feel each and every day.  How much I love myself.  How happy I am with my body (even if it's got 15 or 20 more lbs to drop).  How giddy it makes me when one of my massage therapists says "what does she DO to you?!"  I wish I could explain my desire to pass this on - to pay it forward.  

But - I'm going to have to do that on my own.  I'm going to have to feel the fear and do that, so that I can share this feeling with more women.  But you're going to have to bite your own bullet, feel your own fear, and get rid of all the negative before you can understand all the other.

The best part?  That doesn't make me sad anymore.  It makes me happy that I was able to figure it out.  And it makes me hopeful that I can pay that forward to as many people as I can for the rest of my life.  

Sherri, Amber - you rock.   Far more than you know.  (p.s. I still think you're tough acts to follow! ;-)

~K

"When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say I used everything you gave me." - Erma Brombeck

Skinny?

Ok - first off, let me just say that I do not (and probably will never) consider myself to be "skinny."  I'm not sure what the definition of that word even is, but I am pretty sure that you won't find my picture next to the word in the dictionary (if it's even IN the dictionary).  

That said, there's this thing that has been happening.  And, this thing happens to be causing me to have less motivation.  This thing is compliments.  Nice compliments.  Ones I've hoped for for YEARS and thought that no one would ever say to me b/c I couldn't see the light at the end of this tunnel I'm in.  People are calling ME this word.  Now, I recognize that in comparison to my former self, this word is applicable.  But I can't help but wonder - are the same people using this word in reference to me going to think I need to go eat a fatty hamburger (which, I just did btw! lol) when I ditch the rest of this weight?!  hah!  

The thing is - and don't get me wrong, I'm grateful for the comments, the compliments, etc.  But, in a way - they are helping me to be comfortable.  I feel good, I'm pretty happy with how I'm looking these days and I'm really capable physically.  I'm not where I want to be, but, regardless, I feel good.  I want to help people - I want my journey to inspire others and I want to pay it forward in a bigger way (more on that soon!).  But I have GOT to get out of this complacent funk.   Bootcamp is coming and I just signed up tonight for a spin class with Natalie over at Follow My Fitsteps.  (If you're a Lawrence person, it's through parks and rec, so sign up!)  I know that those 2 things are going to put a little motivation back in my game - I think being outside and being with some of the former bootcampers is going to help a lot and I'm excited about both things.  We'll see how that goes!

That's all I have tonight, but I leave you with these questions.....

What does the word "skinny" mean to you and/or what is your definition of it?
Anyone else been in this place?  Understand this?  Have any words of wisdom?  :sos:

~K

Attitude is contagious.

So - I'm working on a post about negativity and I need some help. This part of losing the weight was the biggest.  I mean, THE BIGGEST.  I owe getting through it to Sherri (she probably doesn't know that). But, she doesn't have a cool blog I can link you to.  (what gives, Sherri? ;-)  Anyway - I had to get rid of the negativity in my life - tricky thing was, I didn't really realize it was negativity for a long while.  And, one night at the gym, Sherri let me bend her ear about the issue at hand (like she always does, thanks again Sherri) and it finally made sense.  So, now I need YOUR help. 


Tell me blog readers (I know you're out there, so post already!)..... 

What types of negativity exist in your life and how do you let them impact you? 
Does the negativity impact your health/fitness or your ability to lose weight?  How so?

*more coming on this topic soon*

~K

The Climb

Alright - I haven't blogged in a while.  Truth be told, I've been feeling uninspired.  I'm feeling good and I've been kinda complacent.  But a happy complacent!  People keep saying I look good (thank you) and since I've felt so good to go along with it, I'm just kinda holding steady.  I'm still hitting the gym etc. and I'm still happy with that - but it's time to buckle down again food wise so that we can say goodbye to the final 18-20 pounds.  So, in keeping with the mental focus, and after a good conversation with Natalie over at Follow my Fitsteps, I've decided to do a little series of posts about things that have been key for me along the way.

Things to bear in mind:  I'm not an expert, a trainer, a doctor etc.  (but I do know some good ones if you need!).  That said, all things posted here are simply MY findings along MY journey.  Read them and know that not everything works for every person and that YOU have to find your own path.  I've drawn so much inspiration from other bloggers and reading their journeys and it's my sincere hope that someone here will find the same.
__________________________________________________________________________________

THE CLIMB

Alright - I hate to quote Miley Cyrus, but let's just all agree that girl is right (and the song rocks) - it really is all about the climb.   I think a lot about reasons people lose weight.  What got them started?  What kept them going?  More importantly, did they keep it off?  For me, it HAS to be b/c you want it.  That is, you want to be healthier, you want to feel better, you want to be around for your kids (whether they're born or not!).  

Then there's some other things that might have you thinking about it - class reunions, weddings etc.  But, the thing is, those reasons don't have staying power.  So you drop 20 lbs for a reunion - what do you do after?  One thing that's important to me is to only do this ONCE.  Crap - it's hard enough - why do it over and over?!  I don't want to spend my life on a diet, I'd much rather find a lifestyle I can live with forever.  

The thing is - there are struggles.  Lots of them.  And, they suck!  I know you're all running to your local gym to sign up now, right?  Or, you've stopped reading and are lacing up your running shoes, no?  Seriously though - it really is hard.  But, here's the secret - that's what makes it worth it.  The 5/6 months I was stuck in the 180's is a testament to my determination and, more importantly, a testament to my commitment to the lifestyle.  Those months defined me - and have defined this journey really.  I COULD have given up.  I COULD have made excuses.  I COULD have said "nothing I try works."  I COULD have done a lot of things.  Instead, I listened to my trainer, I kept working hard and I started looking hard at all aspects of my life, examining each one to see where I could make changes to try to make things work.  And - eventually, it worked itself out.  Your mother is right - hard work really does pay off!


The true point of this entry is simply this - there are lots of things I want to do when this weight is gone (some of them MAY happen before, but that's ok!).  Those things are happening because of the journey - they're all a product of 16 months of work, tears, sweat, conversation, friends, fun, hills, frog jumps and trying to believe that it REALLY will be FINE.  


I want people to stop thinking of the "end."  To me - this whole thing doesn't end.  The weight might go, but the things I do won't.  (it's the same with diet btw!).  If you're truly ready to begin your own journey, try to think of the journey, not what happens at the end (i.e. you'll be thinner, you can have kids, you can go on a vacation, etc).  Just worry about today.  What can you do today?  (and btw, stop with the tomorrow's.  seriously - there's no promise of tomorrow - so, if you're thinking about it, skip the excuse of tomorrow and get up NOW and start).  Don't think of the end result - stop and be proud of the moments that happen DURING the journey.  I'm so glad I've had Jessica and Amber to keep me grounded through this - they were able to see progress and things to be proud of that seemed insignificant to me.  I know now that none of what has happened on this road has been insignificant.  


In fact, it's taken each and every moment that happened thus far to get me here.  It's worth it - I promise.  But you have to stop thinking about the end and what you'll have "if" and just worry about the climb.  

"There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move" -The Climb, Miley Cyrus


~K

A lesson in menu planning.

So - a conversation with Natalie over at Follow My Fitsteps the other day while lifting has had me mulling over writing a blog entry about menu planning.  A lot of people have asked me about it and I've helped quite a few people get started (I hope they're still going!).  So, here's what I do.  It works for us and we've been menu planning for 2 years now.  I can't remember how we managed before we did this, but I imagine it was annoying and that I wasted money on food and had far too much unused in my pantry. 

So, I plan for a 2 week stretch.  I always plan on a saturday or sunday so that I'd make my 1st meal of a 2 week stretch on that same sunday.  A few things to note. 

1. There ARE times I have to return to the grocery store for fresh produce, but I've found that most things will last and keep well if stored properly.
2. Buy yourself a decent small sized notebook.  I use a spiral bound hard cover notebook that closes with an elastic band.   It works nice b/c I can leave the band on the current week's menus. 
3. The rubbermaid produce saver containers will keep most fresh veggies for the length of time you need.  (I leave one bag of spinach unopened and put 1 in the container.  by the time the container is empty week 1 is over.  the 2nd bag is opened then and put into the container.
4. Don't plan for days.  So, don't write "meatloaf on monday, lemon chicken on tuesday."  that way - you can really eat what you feel like eating, within those menus. 
5. If you want to deviate from the menu, do it.  AS LONG AS you have the ingredients.  When I do that, I simply transfer the uneaten meal to the next week. 
6. I plan 10 menus for 2 weeks, so, roughly 5 each week.  If you're not a leftovers person, this probably won't work for you, as I plan in 2 leftover days.  I've found that doing 7 leaves me with too much food and really, who wants to cook every single day?
7. If you don't want to shop every 2 weeks, you can easily do this for one.  I started shopping/planning each week, but eventually moved to 2 and like it much better.
8. Spices are important.  I shop at Penzey's Spices in Kansas City.  I think it's really important, particularly if we're talking about a fundamental change in what/how you eat that you consider how you season things.  One of the first things people say about eating better is "it doesn't taste as good."  Well - I'd argue it's BETTER, but, you've just got to get your brain away from fat = flavor.  So, spices (for me) are were it's at in that regard. 
9. Keep a magnetic white board on your fridge.  Make a note immediately when you run out of a staple item.
10. find a place for your menu book to "live."  We keep ours in the kitchen, tucked in behind our knife block!

So - beyond that, it's really about what you eat.  Here's a list of some staples in my house. (I also shop at costco, so some of the things I don't buy often b/c of that)  If you need a "staple" item, then you simply add it to your bi-weekly grocery list. 

Krista's staple items (by no means is this comprehensive, obviously):

hummus, olive oil, onions (dried or not), oatmeal, turkey sausage/turkey bacon, ground beef, chicken, apples, greek yogurt (plain), frozen strawberries and blueberries, lemon and lime juice, cheese stick and/or cheese "bites" (from Kraft, I love 'em), turkey pepperoni, low carb tortillas.  When I'm not in "no carb" mode I keep high fiber or flax (whole wheat) english muffins, oatmeal bread or wheat berry earthgrains bread, tomato sauce (find your favorite with the lowest sugar), splenda (good lord don't send me anywhere without splenda! hah), eggs, deli ham/chicken/turkey (find the low sodium stuff), laughing cow cheese, sugar free popsicles, frozen (steam in bag) vegetables, sun dried tomatoes, cucumbers, bell peppers.

That's a long list, and I'm sure there's more, but - obviously it will vary depending on what you and your family eat.  Some of these are recipes from books (I use many of the biggest loser cookbooks as well as family recipes that I've altered.  I also get a few magazines and get things out of there too.

So here's what this week and next menu's are:

• Pumpkin Polenta with turkey sausage and tomatoes
• lasagna
• easy "gyros" (flank steak)
• White (chicken) chili
• Lemon chicken
• chicken cheesesteaks (a FAB BL recipe)
• hungry girl "sloppy janes"
• Turkey burgers
• steak w/sweet potato fries
• taco skillet 

So, typically, I omit the carbs in dinner.  If it's something that has some sort of carb (like the gyros, which were *supposed* to be served in pita bread) I sometimes skip it all together or, make that for hubby and have mine "naked," as it were.  Just depends on where I am food/weight wise (and right now, I'm off the carbs! lol).

As for "sides" with dinner - we keep a total hoarders amount of frozen vegetables.  I never plan for what will go with what.  I simply keep a stock.  (we can easily eat 2 regular bags of frozen veg. in a meal between the two of us (depending on what it is), so just buy what your family would need for the 2 weeks based on your vegetable eating habits.).  So then, after I prepare say, lemon chicken, I'll send dear husband out to the freezer to pick vegetables.  Into the microwave they go and then my "meal" is complete.  :)

Lastly, here's how I divide my grocery list, so that shopping sucks less.  On the right page of the notebook I put all 10 meals.  on the left side (so the BACK of the previous page) I divide the page into 6 categories. 
Here are my categories:  Meats, Veg/Fruit, Dairy, Frozen, Canned/Dry and, my catchall, "other." 

So - that's what I do.  I make no claims as to if it will work (or not) for you and I certainly welcome tips or advice from others who menu plan too!  If you've got questions, feel free to ask - I hope it all makes some sense!

~K

Inspiration is everywhere - you just gotta want it.

I read a lot of blogs - probably too many for my own good.  But - I also find it helpful to keep myself on track by knowing that others are too, or by finding inspiration quotes etc.  That's why my FB friends will often find me with a quote as a status.  My blog isn't NEARLY as fantastic as many of them I read - I'm not a great writer and my life isn't funny - BUT - I write for me - b/c sometimes putting it down in words is helpful.   And, sometimes if I can tell enough people about something I'm trying to do, I'll do it.  ;-)

That said - if you haven't been lucky enough to stumble across Ben, from www.bendoeslife.com, then you're missing out.  Seriously.  He made a post yesterday that I love.  He posts about a question he gets asked a lot, which is "how do I start running?"  But what he posts is so so much more than how to run.  It's about making a better choice - about not sitting on the couch with soda and chips and not kidding yourself about your goals.  The thing is - and this is the part that I can't figure out about some people - is that you've got to want it.  You've got to DO more than SAY you want it.  You've got to GET UP and MOVE your butt, change your habits, make better choices.  The gym is a fabulous place, but you can't expect to walk in and have the pounds fall off.  Heck - you can fake the gym just about as well as you can fake anything else.  I feel like I'm up on my soap box - but I also feel that if everyone could just get a taste of feeling this good, they'd make a different choice too.

So - what are you waiting for?  


Go read Ben's Blog post here.

Now - get up and go make a different choice.  (and to those of you already doing it - where's your blog so I can read it and continue to be inspired?  lol  ;-) 

~K

Thanks 2010

I guess it's time to officially say goodbye to 2010, no?  It's been a crazy year.  Very crazy.  I think it's probably been one of the roughest years I've had in a while.  But at the same time, I've also learned more in this year than I can remember learning in a long time too.  I think for as much as we lost in 2010, we've gained a lot too.  And while it's hard to be thankful in the midst of some of the awful things that came our way this year, I think those things have brought me close to people in ways that I am more thankful than ever for.  I think T's grandma really put it best in her letter this Christmas ....  the lord gave, and the lord has taken away.  So, it true type-A fashion, here's a farewell 2010 list.


Dear 2010 thank you for.....

• Bringing our family together in the midst of a tragedy
• showing us that life is short, and we should make the most of it
• helping us find ways to honor lives lost too early
• bringing us fabulous new extended family with Marissa & her girls.
• allowing us to help them through their loss as well
• all of the beautiful butterflies
• Ethan August, the newest addition to our family
• Taygen Timothy, the newest addition to Marissa's family  

As a random side note - our families had such similar losses and gains this year.  Also, Taygen carries his Grandpa's name.  Ethan's middle name is also a Hoefs family name.

• fantastic co-workers who are more like family than anything
• the best job on the planet
• the sweetest dog ever
• the opportunity to get home to VA
• my patience to lose the weight and the persistence to do so
• learning (and believing!) that yes, I can
• for the ability to have run the 1/2 marathon with T
• for Tristan and his willingness to put up with me!
• for a fantastic summer of bootcamp, sunshine, and time off from work!
• for a christmas so full of family we could barely all fit in the living room
• for a mantel so full of stockings that you can't read names anymore
• for friends, both near and far
• for moments and memories that we'll hold on to forever.

I can't say I'm not ready for 2010 to be over, b/c I am.  But, looking back, I truly am thankful for all that this past year taught me.  I'm such a different person than I was a year ago - and without everything that happened this year, that wouldn't be the case.  I truly hope that 2011 brings all of us joy beyond measure.


Happy New Year!